Daniel and I – The Poison of Bitterness: How Complaints Destroyed our Marriage – How did we ESCAPE this deadly trap?
Sunday, May 18th, 2025
It wasn’t always like this.
There was a time Daniel would come home and wrap his arms around me like I was his safe haven. We’d laugh about the little things—burnt toast, long queues, nosy neighbors. We were young, in love, and full of dreams. I believed nothing could tear us apart.
But the poison didn’t come suddenly. It came in small, almost invisible doses—tiny complaints, muttered under our breath. Left unchecked, they festered.
It started with little things.
“Why do you always leave the lights on?”
“You never listen to me.”
“Why can’t you be more like other husbands?”
And Daniel? He had his own arsenal.
“You nag too much.”
“You’re always tired.”
“You don’t appreciate anything I do.”
Each complaint chipped away at our connection, but instead of addressing the cracks, we covered them up with silence… or sarcasm. Date nights became rare. Conversations turned into transactions. Love letters were replaced with passive-aggressive texts.
What we didn’t realize was that bitterness had moved in. Quietly. Like a shadow stretching over sunlight. We weren’t just frustrated—we were growing resentful. Every complaint became a score. Every apology felt forced. And slowly, intimacy drowned in a sea of unspoken hurts.
One night, during yet another cold dinner, I asked, “When did we stop being us?”
He didn’t answer.
Maybe he didn’t know either.
By then, the damage was deep. Complaints had become our default language. Instead of seeing each other as partners, we saw each other as problems.
And that’s when it hit me: bitterness is not just about what they did wrong. It’s about what you refuse to let go. Every complaint, every replay of the past, was a brick in the wall between us. We didn’t lose our marriage in one argument. We lost it through a thousand tiny stabs of ungratefulness.
If I could go back, I’d stop counting his failures and start celebrating his efforts. I’d speak life instead of criticism. I’d ask, “How can I help?” instead of, “Why didn’t you?” I’d fight bitterness with grace.
Because marriages don’t die from storms. They die from slow, silent poison.
And the most common one? Bitterness… brewed in complaints, served cold every day.
*Reflection:*
Is your marriage quietly bleeding from bitterness? What complaints do you keep repeating? What gratitude have you withheld?
*Challenge:*
Tonight, instead of pointing out a fault, find one thing to thank your partner for. Bitterness may have poisoned the well, but grace can cleanse it—one drop at a time.
*More Indept Biblical Reflections*
*The Poison of Bitterness: How Complaints Destroy Marriage*
Bitterness creeps in quietly, like a vine wrapping itself around a marriage, squeezing out love and replacing it with resentment. It often begins with small complaints—a wife feeling her husband doesn’t help enough, or a husband feeling constantly criticized. Over time, these frustrations harden into something far more destructive.
Scripture warns us that bitterness is like a *“root”* that grows deep, poisoning not just one person but *“defiling many”* (Hebrews 12:15). A wife’s repeated complaints, though perhaps justified in her mind, can slowly condition her husband’s heart to withdraw rather than draw near. He may stop listening, grow distant, or even respond with his own resentment. What started as frustration spirals into a cycle of hurt—she nags because she feels unheard, and he retreats because he feels attacked. Left unchecked, this cycle leads to contempt, where love is replaced by disdain.
But God offers a way out. His Word calls us to *“let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification”* (Ephesians 4:29). Wives are urged to speak with grace, expressing needs without crushing their husbands’ spirits. Husbands are commanded to *“love your wives and do not be bitter toward them”* (Colossians 3:19), responding with patience rather than withdrawal. Most importantly, both must choose forgiveness—daily laying down grievances and extending the same mercy Christ has shown us.
Bitterness cannot thrive where grace flows freely. If we want our marriages to reflect Christ’s love, we must *“see to it that no one falls short of the grace of God, and that no root of bitterness springs up to cause trouble”* (Hebrews 12:15). The choice is ours: Will we let complaints destroy, or will we let God’s love rebuild?
Shalom!
Ambassador Monday Oreojo Ogwuojo Ogbe
Gods Eagle Ministries GEMs https://www.otakada.org
