Perfect Relationship : 24 Tools for Building BRIDGES to Harmony and Taking Down WALLS of Conflict in our Relationships – Understanding Your Temperament and that of others Episode 3  Part 1 – Testing Strengths and Weaknesses

Now armed with your temperament type via the Tim Lahaye test form and confirmed by others above, Lets drill down to the various temperament strength and weaknesses.

This is a presentation by late Tim Lahaye in his book, “Why people do what the do.” Read, meditate and apply where necessary.

Dr. Henry Brandt, a Christian psychologist, has probably helped more people than any other person in that profession. He certainly has a profound influence on this writer’s life, both personally and in my role as a family counselor. He made a profound statement that I have never forgotten in relation to maturity. He defines a mature person in relation to his attitude toward his own strengths and weaknesses: “A mature person is one who is sufficiently objective about himself to know both his strengths and his weaknesses and has created a planned program for overcoming his weaknesses.”
The Bible says, “… we are more than conquerers through him [Jesus Christ] that loved us” (Rom. 8:37). He has given us his Holy Spirit to strengthen our weaknesses so he can use us. We will now examine both your potential weaknesses and your potential strengths. Knowing both your strengths and weaknesses is the first giant step toward that mature person you have always wanted to be.

The chart we studied earlier listed several strengths and the most prominent weaknesses for each temperament There are more, but based on my counseling, testing of thousands of people, and many years of observations I have selected these as the most common. First let’s examine the strengths of each temperament.

SPARKY SANGUINE’S STRENGTHS

Sparky is not just an extrovert, he is a super-extrovert Everything he does is superficial and external. He laughs loudly and dominates every conversation whether he has anything meaningful to say or not. He loves the limelight and excels at public speaking. He rarely waits for others to speak first, but usually is the first to initiate a conversation.

Mr. or Ms. Sanguine’s ability to respond to others is instantaneous. If he catches another person looking at him, he always responds with a nod, wink, or greeting. No one enjoys life more than Sparky Sanguine. He never seems to lose his childlike curiosity for the things that surround him. Even the unpleasant things of life can be forgotten by his change of environment It is a rare occasion when he does not awaken in a lively mood, and he will often be found whistling or singing his way through life.

The natural trait of Mr. Sanguine that produces both his hearty and optimistic disposition is defined by Dr. Hallesby, a European authority on this subject: “The sanguine person has a Godgiven ability to live in the present.” He easily forgets the past, and is seldom frustrated or fearful of future difficulties. The sanguine person is optimistic.
He is easily inspired to engage in new plans and projects, and his boundless enthusiasm often carries others along with him.

If yesterday’s project has failed, he is confident that the project he is working on today will definitely succeed. The outgoing, handshaking, backslapping customs of the cheerful sanguine stem basically from his genuine love for people. He enjoys being around others, sharing in their joys and sorrows, and he likes to make new friends.

No one makes a better first impression.
One of the greatest assets of Mr. Sanguine is that he has a tender, compassionate heart No one responds more genuinely to the needs of others than the sanguine. He is able to share the emotional experiences, both good and bad, of others. By nature, he finds it easy to obey the scriptural injunction, “Rejoice with those that do rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”

The sincerity of Mr. Sanguine is often misunderstood by others. They are deceived by his sudden changes of emotion, and they fail to understand that he is genuinely responding to the emotions of others. No one can love you more nor forget you faster than sanguines. The world is enriched by these cheerful, responsive people. When motivated and disciplined by God, they can be great servants of Jesus Christ.

ROCKY CHOLERIC’S STRENGTHS

Mr. Choleric is usually a self-disciplined individual with a strong tendency toward self-determination. He is very confident in his own ability and very aggressive.

Once having embarked upon a project, he has a tenacious ability that keeps him doggedly driving in one direction. His singleness of purpose often results in accomplishment.

The choleric temperament is given over almost exclusively to the practical aspects of life. Everything to him is considered in the light of its utilitarian purpose, and he is happiest when engaged in some worthwhile project He has a keen mind for organization but finds detail work distressing. Many of his decisions are reached by intuition more than by analytical reasoning Mr. Choleric has strong leadership tendencies. His forceful will tends to dominate a group, he is a good judge of people, and he is quick and bold in emergencies. He not only will readily accept leadership when it is placed on him, but will often be the first to volunteer for it If he does not become too arrogant or bossy, others respond well to his practical direction.

When Rocky sets his mind to do something, he never gives up. Just about the time his optimism has come home to engulf him in impossibility, he doggedly burrows out another way. And if the people don’t agree with him, that’s just too bad—he is going to do it with or without them. What other people think of him or his projects makes very little difference to him.

No one is more practical than a choleric. He seems to have a utilitarian mentality. He has strong workaholic tendencies. Mr. Choleric’s outlook on life, based on his natural feeling of selfconfidence, is almost always one of optimism. He has such an adventuresome spirit that he thinks nothing of leaving a secure position for the challenge of the unknown. Adversity does not discourage him. Instead, it whets his appetite and makes him even more determined to achieve his objective.

MARTIN MELANCHOLY’S STRENGTHS 

Usually melancholies have the highest IQ of any member in their family. They may be musical, artistic, or athletic.

Sometimes you will find all these traits in one individual.

Mr. Melancholy has by far the richest and most sensitive nature of all the temperaments. A higher percentage of geniuses are melancholy than any other type. He particularly excels in the fine arts, with a vast appreciation for life’s cultural values. He is emotionally responsive, but unlike the sanguine is motivated to reflective thinking through his emotions. Mr. Melancholy is particularly adept at creative thinking, and during high emotional peaks will often launch into an invention or creative production that is worthwhile and wholesome.

Mr. Melancholy has strong perfectionist tendencies. His standard of excellence exceeds others’ and his requirements of acceptability in any field are often higher than either he or anyone else can maintain. The analytical abilities of the melancholy, combined with his perfectionist tendencies, make him a “hound for detail.” Whenever a project is suggested, Mr. Melancholy can analyze it in a few moments and pick out every potential problem.

A melancholy person can always be depended upon to finish his job in the prescribed time or to carry his end of the load. Mr. Melancholy rarely seeks the limelight, but prefers to do the behind-the-scenes task. He often chooses a very sacrificial vocation for life, for he has an unusual desire to give himself to the betterment of his fellowmen.

He is prone to be reserved and seldom volunteers his opinion or ideas. Melancholy temperaments are extremely selfdisciplined individuals. They rarely eat too much or indulge their own comforts. When they engage in a task, they will work around the clock to meet deadlines and their high self-imposed standards. One of the reasons they can go into a deep depression after completion of a big project is because they have so neglected themselves while seeing the task to completion by going without sleep, food, and diversion that they are literally exhausted physically and emotionally.

PHIL PHLEGMATIC’S STRENGTHS 

Just because they are super-introverts does not mean phlegmatics are not strong. Actually the phlegmatic’s calm and unexcited nature is a vital asset There are things he can do and vocations he can pursue that extroverts could never do. Phlegmatics rarely, if ever, leap before they look. They are thinkers and planners.

Phil is a born diplomat. Conciliatory by nature, he does not like confrontation and would rather negotiate than fight He has a knack for defusing the hostile and excitable types and is a walking example that “a soft answer turns away wrath.”

The unexcited good humor of the phlegmatic keeps him from being intensely involved with life so that he can often see humor in the most mundane experiences. He seems to have a superb inborn sense of timing in the art of humor and a stimulating imagination.

Mr. Phlegmatic is dependability itself. Not only can he be depended upon to always be his cheerful, good-natured self, but he can be depended upon to fulfill his obligations and time schedules. Like the melancholy, he is a very faithful friend, and although he does not get too involved with others he rarely proves disloyal.
Mr. Phlegmatic is also practical and efficient Not prone to making sudden decisions, he has a tendency to find the practical way to accomplish an objective with the least amount of effort. He often does his best work under circumstances that would cause other temperaments to “crack.” His work always bears the hallmark of neatness and efficiency. Although he is not a perfectionist, he does have exceptionally high standards of accuracy and precision.
The administrative or leadership capabilities of a phlegmatic are seldom discovered because he is not assertive and doesn’t push himself. But when once given the responsibility, he has a real ability to get people to work together productively and in an organized manner.

SUMMARY

The variety of strengths provided by the four temperament types keeps the world functioning properly. No one temperament is more desirable than another. Each one has its vital strengths and makes its worthwhile contribution to life. Someone facetiously pointed out this sequence of events involving the four temperaments: “The hard-driving choleric produces the inventions of the genius-prone melancholy, which are sold by the personable sanguine and enjoyed by the easygoing phlegmatic.”
The strengths of the four temperaments make each of them attractive, and we can be grateful that we all possess some of those strengths. But there is more to the story! As important as are the temperament strengths, even more important, for our purposes, are their weaknesses. It is our intent to contrast the strengths of the temperaments with their weaknesses. Our purpose in so doing is to help you diagnose your own weaknesses and develop a planned program for overcoming them.
Don’t be afraid to be objective about yourself or to face your weaknesses. Many people have decided what basic temperament they are at this point in the study, then changed their mind when confronted with their unpleasant weaknesses. Strengths carry corresponding weaknesses, so face them realistically, then let God do something to improve them.

Temperament Weaknesses

This will doubtless be the most painful section in this book, for no one likes to be confronted with his weaknesses. But if we think of ourselves only in terms of the strengths of our temperament, we will develop a faulty view of ourselves. Everyone has weaknesses.

THE SANGUINE WEAKNESSES 

Sanguines are voted “most likely to succeed” in college, but often fail in life. Their tendency to be weak-willed and undisciplined will finally destroy them unless it is overcome. Since they are highly emotional, exude considerable natural charm, and are prone to be what one psychologist called “touchers” (they tend to touch people as they talk to them), they commonly have a great appeal for the opposite sex and consequently face sexual temptation more than others. Weakness of will and lack of discipline make it easier for them to be deceitful, dishonest, and undependable. They tend to overeat and gain weight, finding it most difficult to remain on a diet Someone has said, “Without self-discipline, there is no such thing as success.” Lack of discipline is Mr. Sanguine’s greatest weakness.

The only temperament more emotional than a sanguine is a melancholy, but he isn’t anywhere near as expressive as Sparky Sanguine. Not only can Sparky cry at the drop of a hat (one pro football player’s wife won’t watch a sad film on TV with her husband because “his blubbering embarrasses me!”), but his spark of anger can instantly become a raging inferno.

A lack of emotional consistency usually limits him vocationally, and it certainly destroys him spiritually. When filled with the Spirit, however, he becomes a “new creature,” an emotionally controlled sanguine.

Every human being is plagued with egotism, but sanguines have a double dose of the problem. That’s why a Spiritfilled Sparky is easily detected; he will reflect an unnatural spirit of humility that is refreshing.

Sanguines are notoriously disorganized and always on the move. They seldom plan ahead but usually take things as they come. They rarely profit by past mistakes and seldom look ahead. As one man said, “They are a disorganized accident waiting to happen.”
Wherever Sparky works or lives, things are in a disastrous state of disarray. He can never find his tools, even though they are right where he left them. Sparky’s garage, bedroom, closet, and office are disaster areas unless he has an efficient wife and secretary willing to pick up after him. His egotism usually makes him a sharp dresser, but if his friends or customers could see the room where he dressed, they would fear that someone had been killed in the explosion. How does Sparky get by with that kind of living? The way Mr. Sanguine handles all confrontations caused by his temperament—a disarming smile, a pat on the back, a funny story, and a restless move to the next thing that sparks his interest The sanguine will never become a perfectionist, but the Spirit of God can bring more planning and order into his life. And when that happens, Sparky is a much happier person—not only with others but also with himself.

Behind that super-extroverted personality that frequently overpowers other people, giving him a false reputation as a very self-confident person, Sparky Sanguine is really quite insecure. His insecurity is often the source of his vile profanity. Sanguines are not usually fearful of personal injury and often resort to outlandish feats of daring and heroism. Their fears most often arise in the area of personal failure, rejection, or disapproval. That’s why they often follow an obnoxious display of conversation with an equally mindless statement Rather than face your disapproval, they are hoping to cover up the first goof with something that will gain your approval.
Perhaps the sanguine’s most treacherous trait one that really stifles his spiritual potential, is his weak or flexible conscience. He usually is able to talk others into his way of thinking, earning him the reputation of being the world’s greatest con artist. When things go wrong, he has no difficulty convincing himself that whatever he did was justified. He “bends the truth” until any similarity between his story and the facts is totally coincidental; yet this rarely bothers him, for he cons himself into believing that “the end justifies the means.”

Others often find it incredible that he can lie, cheat, or steal, yet seldom endure a sleepless night. That is why he frequently walks over the rights of others and rarely hesitates to take advantage of other people.

Sooner or later, Sparky Sanguine will weave a web of deceit that will produce his own destruction. The Bible says, “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap” (Gal. 6:7). The only way to conquer that problem is to concentrate on truth and honesty. Every time a man lies or cheats, it becomes easier—and the next temptation is bigger.

Sparky Sanguine’s penchant for exaggeration, embellishment, and plain old-fashioned deceit catches up with him most quickly in his marriage and family. While he may fool those who see him occasionally, it is impossible for him to cheat and deceive his way through life without teaching his wife and children that they cannot depend on his word. One of the nine necessary building blocks in any love relationship (according to 1 Cor. 13:4-8) is trust Fart of the reason our Lord and the Scriptures speak so frequently on the subject of truth or honesty is that it not only produces the necessary clear conscience all men need, but it creates the kind of foundation on which lasting and enjoyable interpersonal relationships are made.

THE CHOLERIC WEAKNESSES

Cholerics are extremely hostile people. Some learn to control their anger, but eruption into violence is always a possibility with them. If their strong will is not brought into control by proper parental discipline as children, they develop angry, tumultuous habits that plague them all through life. It doesn’t take them long to learn that others are usually afraid of their angry outbursts and thus they may use wrath as a weapon to get what they want—which is usually their own way. The choleric can cause pain to others and enjoy it His wife is usually afraid of him, and he tends to terrify his children.

Rocky Choleric often reminds me of a walking Mount Vesuvius, constantly gurgling until, provoked, he spills out his bitter lava all over someone or something. He is a door slammer, table pounder, and horn blower. Any person or thing that gets in his way, retards his progress, or fails to perform up to the level of his expectations will feel the eruption of his wrath.

No one utters more caustic comments than a sarcastic choleric! He is usually ready with a cutting comment that can wither the insecure and devastate the less combative. Even Sparky Sanguine is no match for him, because Sparky isn’t cruel or mean. Rocky will rarely hesitate to tell a person off or chop him to bits. Consequently, he leaves a path of damaged psyches and fractured egos wherever he goes. It is a happy choleric (and his family members) who discovers that the tongue is either a vicious weapon of destruction or a tool of healing. Once he learns the importance of his verbal approval and encouragement to others, he will seek to control his speech—until he gets angry, whereupon he discovers with the Apostle James that “the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:8). Ready speech and an angry spirit often combine to make a choleric very profane.

The milk of human kindness has all but dried up in the veins of a choleric. He is the most unaffectionate of all the temperaments and becomes emotionally spastic at the thought of any public show of emotion. Marital affection to him means a kiss at the wedding and on every fifth anniversary thereafter. His emotional rigidity rarely permits him the expression of tears. He usually stops crying at the age of eleven or twelve and finds it difficult to understand others when they are moved to tears.

Similar to his natural lack of love is the choleric’s tendency to be insensitive to others’ needs and inconsiderate of their feelings. When a choleric is sensitive and considerate, he can be a great blessing to others, for as we have seen, what he thinks of others is of vital importance to them. By nature Rocky Choleric has the hide of a rhinoceros. However, the Spirit of God will make him “kind, tenderhearted….”

The choleric’s natural determination is a temperament asset that stands him in good stead throughout life, but it can make him opinionated and bullheaded. Since he has an intuitive sense, he usually makes up his mind quickly (without adequate analysis and deliberation), and once made up, it is almost impossible to change. No temperament type more typifies the old cliché: “Don’t confuse me with the facts; my mind is made up.”

One of the undesirable characteristics of the choleric involves his inclination to be crafty if necessary to get his own way. He rarely takes no for an answer and will often resort to any means necessary to achieve his ends. If he has to juggle his figures and bend the truth, he rarely hesitates, for to him the end justifies the means.

Since he easily comes to conclusions, he finds great delight in making decisions for other people and forcing them to conform to his will. If you work for a choleric, you rarely wonder what he wants you to do, for he tells you five times before eight-thirty in the morning—and usually at the top of his lungs.
The Rocky Cholerics of life are very effective people if their weaknesses are not indulged until they become a dominating life-style. When they are filled with the Spirit, their tendencies toward willfulness and harshness are replaced by a gentleness which verifies clearly that they are controlled by something other than their own natural temperament From the days of the Apostle Paul until the present, both the church of Jesus Christ and society have benefited much from these active, productive people. Many of our great church institutions were founded by venturous cholerics. But to be effective in God’s service, they must learn the divine principles of productivity.

THE MELANCHOLY WEAKNESSES 

The admirable qualities of perfectionism and conscientiousness often carry with them the serious disadvantages of negativism, pessimism, and a spirit of criticism. Anyone who has worked with a gifted melancholy can anticipate that his first reaction to anything will be negative or pessimistic. This one trait limits a melancholy’s vocational performance more than any other. The minute a new idea or project is presented, his analytical ability ignites and he begins to concoct every problem and difficulty that may be encountered in the effort.

The most damaging influence upon a person’s mind, in my opinion, is criticism; and melancholies have to fight that spirit constantly. I have observed that the most psychologically disturbed children come from homes of predominantly melancholy or choleric parents. Cholerics are hard to please; melancholies are impossible to satisfy. Even when the children bring home B’s and B-pluses, the parent will grimace with dissatisfaction because they don’t get A’s. Instead of commending their wives and encouraging them, melancholies criticize, carp, and censure. Even when they realize the importance of their approval to both wife and children, it is hard for them to offer it because they cannot endure the hypocritical taint of saying something that isn’t 100 percent true.
The same high standard is usually turned inward by a melancholy, making him very dissatisfied with himself. Selfexamination, of course, is a healthy thing for any Christian who wants to walk in the Spirit, for through it he gains the realization that he must confess his sins and seek the Savior’s forgiveness (1 John 1:9). But the melancholy is not satisfied to examine himself; he dissects himself with a continuing barrage of introspection until he has no self-confidence or self-esteem left Everything in life is interpreted by the melancholy in relation to himself. He tends to compare himself with others on looks, talent, and intellect, invariably feeling deficient because it never occurs to him that he compares himself to the best of another’s traits and fails to evaluate their weaknesses.
He is ever examining his spiritual life and typically coming up short in his own mind. This keeps him from enjoying confidence before God. A melancholy finds it difficult to believe he is “approved of God,” basically because he can seldom approve himself.

This self-centered trait, together with his sensitive nature, makes a melancholy thin-skinned and touchy at times. Although not as expressive of his anger as the sanguine or choleric, he is very capable of long-term seething and slowburning anger in the form of revengeful thinking patterns and self-persecution reveries. If indulged long enough, this can make him manic-depressive or at least erupt into an angry outburst that is unlike his normally gentle nature.
One of the most prominent characteristics of a melancholy’s temperament concerns his mood swings. On some occasions he is so “high” that he acts like a sanguine; on others he is so “down” that he feels like sliding under the door rather than opening it The older he gets (unless transformed by a vital relationship to Jesus Christ), the more he is prone to experience dark moods. During such times he is gloomy, irritable, unhappy, and all but impossible to please. Such moods make him particularly vulnerable to depression.

Three years ago I read an article on depression in Newsweek
magazine that stated: “Depression is the emotional epidemic of our times. Fifty thousand to seventy thousand depressed individuals commit suicide annually.” Having counseled over one thousand depressed people by that time, I felt compelled to write a book, How to Win over Depression, it became a bestseller in only three months.
Anyone with a depression problem, particularly a melancholy, should make 1 Thessalonians 5:18 a way of life: “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” You cannot rejoice and give thanks over something while maintaining a state of depression.
No other temperament is so apt to be rigid, implacable and uncompromising to the point of unreasonableness as the melancholy. He is intolerant and impatient with those who do not see things his way; consequently he finds it difficult to be a team player and is often a loner in the business world, but at home it is a different matter. A wife and children subjected to such rigid standards will often become insecure and unhappy and sometimes give up on him. Once he learns that flexibility and cooperation are the oil that makes interpersonal relationships run smoothly, he is a much happier person and so are those around him.
We have already seen that the melancholy is an idealist, a trait we list as a strength. However, on the other side of that characteristic, he is apt to be impractical and theoretical, often campaigning for an ideal that is so altruistic it will never work. A melancholy should always subject his plans to the practicality test God has used many melancholies who made their talents available to him. In fact, many of the characters recorded in the Bible were melancholies. However, the key to their success was not their temperament, talents, or gifts, but their commitment to the Holy Spirit.

THE PHLEGMATIC WEAKNESSES

The most obvious of Phil Phlegmatic’s weaknesses and that which caused Hippocrates (who originated the idea of the four temperaments) to label him phlegm (slow or sluggish) is his apparent lack of drive and ambition. Although he always seems to do what is expected of him, he will rarely do more. Rarely does he instigate an activity, but thinks up excuses to avoid getting involved with the activities of others.

More than any other temperament, the phlegmatic is vulnerable to the law of inertia: “A body at rest tends to stay at rest.” He needs to reverse that trend with premeditated activity. Both he and his family will benefit by such efforts.

No one likes to be hurt, and that is particularly true of Phil Phlegmatic. Although not as sensitive as a melancholy, he does have a thin skin and accordingly learns early in life to live like a turtle—that is, to build a hard shell of self-protection to shield him from all outside griefs or affronts. But even a turtle could give Phil a valuable piece of advice: “You can never go anywhere unless you stick your neck out” Nor will you ever help anyone else unless you risk the possibility of an emotional injury.
One of the less obvious weaknesses of the phlegmatic is his selfishness. Every temperament faces the problem of selfishness, but Phil is particularly afflicted with the disease, though he is so gracious and proper that few people who don’t live with him are aware of it Selfishness makes him selfindulgent and unconcerned about his family’s need for activity.
No one can be more stubborn than a phlegmatic, but he is so diplomatic about it that he may proceed halfway through life before others catch on. He almost never openly confronts another person or refuses to do something, but he will somehow manage to sidestep the demand. In church administration I have found this gracious, kindly, placid individual to be most exasperating at times. He will smile as I detail the program, even nod his head as if he understands, and then walk away and ignore the mandate. He simply will do it his way—quite affably and with less contention than any other temperament but definitely his way. In a family situation, phlegmatics never yell or argue; they just drag their feet or set their legs and will not budge.

Beneath the gracious surface of a diplomatic phlegmatic beats a very fearful heart. He is a worrier by nature who erroneously seems to misinterpret Philippians 4:6 as: “Be anxious for everything, and by worry and fear let your requests be made known unto God.” This fear tendency often keeps him from venturing out on his own to make full use of his potential. Fear keeps phlegmatics from being used in the church. I’m convinced that they would like to teach, sing in the choir, or learn to share their faith, but fear stifles them. One of the strengths of the Holy Spirit is faith, which dissolves our fears. A salient result of reading and studying the Word of God is a growing faith. Most people are fearful of failure, but those who succeed in effectively serving God replace their fears with faith. I have found it well worth the time to try motivating phlegmatics to work in the church. They make good board members and policy-makers as well as excellent Sunday school teachers and department superintendents. Once committed, they become very dependable workers for many years. The difficult task is to get them to agree to an assignment in the first place.

SUMMARY

Now you have the bad news—all temperaments have weaknesses—at least ten according to their temperament But there is a power that can enable you to improve your temperament Read on.

This brings us to the end of today’s title of Episode 3 – Perfect Relationship : 24 Tools for Building BRIDGES to Harmony and Taking Down WALLS of Conflict in our Relationships – Understanding Your Temperament and that of others Episode 3 Part 1 – Testing Strengths and Weaknesses

 Next week, God willing, we will be looking at episode 3 part 2, and Part 3, “Strengthening Your Weaknesses”

Until then, have a wonderful weekend!

Shalom!

Ambassador Monday Ogwuojo Oreojo Ogbe

God’s Eagle Ministries – Where we are seeding the Nations with God’s WORD and God Himself is transforming lives through His timeless TRUTH. We are one in Christ Jesus, Let’s stay one!

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