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Friday, December 16th, 2022
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Series – Perfect Relationship: 24 Tools for Building BRIDGES to Harmony and Taking Down WALLS of Conflict in our Relationships
Episode 8 – True Stories: How to Stop the Pain – Pain is Inevitable, but suffering is optional – What is Judgement? How does the effect of judgement play out in our relationships? – True Stories – The effects of Ms. Busola’s judgment against her father, Mr Johnson, and Samantha against James.
Friends, welcome to episode 8 of our series of perfect relationship 24 tools for building bridges to harmony and taking down walls of conflict in our relationship. Today we episode 8 – True Stories: How to stop the pain – Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional – What is Judgement? How does the effect of judgement play out in our relationships? – True Stories – The effects of Ms. Busola’s judgment against her father, Mr Johnson and Samantha against James.
If you missed episode 7, titled –
Episode 7 – How to Stop the Pain – Pain is Inevitable, but suffering is optional – The critical Factors + God’s Seven (7) Relationship ABSOLUTES
Let’s start with Busola’s story and her dad and then we take on James and Samantha later in our post, if that is okay by you all.
Did I hear I can proceed? Ok
Busola’s father, Mr Johnson, made Ms. Busola work the family farm like a laborer or fieldhand, although she was a child, while Mr Johnson stayed in the house and got drunk. When Ms. Busola came in from the fields, exhausted, Mr Johnson accused her – especially as she grew into adolescence – of having sexual affairs with one or another of the laborers (farmhands).
Ms. Busola grew into a beautiful woman, she married, unaware that she had made a very bitter-root judgment against her late father, Mr Johnson. It was not long before her husband lost his job. But instead of looking for another, he made her go to work while he stayed home and drank. When she came home, he would accuse her of having sex with men at the office.
After several years of this hell, Busola divorced him. It was not long before she found another husband. But within six months he had quit work and she had to find a job to support them both.
Incredibly, he, too, began staying at home drinking and – when she came home- accusing her of adultery. No amount of scolding, pleading or arguing on Busola’s part made any headway. Secular counseling only increased her determination to divorce him, which she did.
Along the way, Busola became a Spirit-filled Christian. Although she had never expressed forgiveness towards her late father or brought that pattern of judgment to death on the cross, she thought her anger was all taken care of. And now that she was a Christian, she thought she had grown at last into some wisdom. So, she searched carefully, found a Christian man who happened to be quite rich, and married him. She thought she had it made.
Within a year, he made her go get a job. More incredible yet, although he had never been a drinker, now he began to stay at home and get drunk. And – you guessed it. When she came home, he began to accuse her of illicit affairs at work.
Do you see the power that bitter-root judgments have to defile others and affect, even in some cases (what their implicit permission, of course) control their behavior?
Jesus told us the story of a man whose debt was forgiven in Matthew 18:23-35. The servant was forgiven ten thousand talents who would not forgive his fellow servant of a tiny sum.
When we are forgiven all our sins at the cross, but continue to harbor resentments against others because of judgement, we bring all our debts – in full weight, like those of the unforgiving servant, back on ourselves! Can there be any more compelling reason for inner healing?
Busola was so mad with men that she resisted seeing the causes of her problem – partly because she would have to admit her role in it. When she finally did see, she did not repent. It only made her angrier at them. She blamed the men in her life: They should not have gotten drunk. They should not have falsely accused her.
The facts were all on her side, but God looks on the heart to reveal motives: “1 Corinthians 4:5 Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC)5 So do not make any hasty or premature judgments before the time when the Lord comes [again ], for He will both bring to light the secret things that are [now hidden ] in darkness and disclose and expose the [secret ] aims (motives and purposes) of hearts. Then every man will receive his [due ] commendation from God.”
Busola was passing judgment before the time of the Holy Spirit’s coming to disclose her own motives. Had she been able to repent, God would have praised her for standing and trying to do what was right, despite her history.
Busola will not repent, and left without receiving healing.
Some fasting and prayer are unnecessary if we will just obey what the word of God says.
In the sermon on the mount, Jesus said in
The Message version reads –