#RelationshipTools #relationship #relationshipbuilding #BuildingBridges #Harmony #vengeance #revenge#forgiveness #ConflictManagement #pain #StopPain #criticalfactors #episode7 #Gods7RelationshipAbsolutes
Friday, December 9th, 2022
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Series – Perfect Relationship: 24 Tools for Building BRIDGES to Harmony and Taking Down WALLS of Conflict in our Relationships
Episode 7 – How to Stop the Pain – Pain is Inevitable, but suffering is optional – The critical Factors
+ God’s Seven (7) Relationship ABSOLUTES
Hello Friends, thank God it’s Friday!
Last week, in episode 6 of our series on 24 Tools for building bridges and taking down walls of conflict in our relationships, we looked at pain that is caused in engaging or disengaging from relationship.
We said, “Pain is inevitable and that to suffer in that relationship is an option which we have to choose by exercising our will in stopping or continuing in that pain.” We said, “Avoid judging by all means possible”
You can pick that post via this link https://www.otakada.org/episode-6-how-to-stop-the-pain-pain-is-inevitable-but-suffering-is-optional-introduction/
Today, we will be looking at episode 7, where we will be looking at the critical factors required to stop pain from within ourselves and others.
Before I do that, I will like to make some categorical statements just by looking through scripture and real life experience of how God engages in relationship with us.
There are seven (7) absolutes in the God kind of relationship based on observation and experience. In each case, I will provide minimum of two scriptures to help you dig further into these absolutes. I call them God’s Seven (7) Relationship ABSOLUTES.
This just came to me this morning..so, it is freshly baked from the oven by the Holy Spirit for someone and that someone might be me or you.
They are these:
1) In God kind of relationship, you and I cannot FORCE relationship on self and others – It has to be mutual, not one – directional – We can’t violate people’s will, we can’t violate people’s human spirit..even God wouldn’t do it. We can try, but it will yield no lasting impact because we are breaking a fundamental law of human existence.
Read
3 Then the Lord said, My Spirit shall not forever dwell and strive with man, for he also is flesh; but his days shall yet be 120 years.
And this
53 And Jesus said to them, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, you cannot have any life in you unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood [unless you appropriate His life and the saving merit of His blood].
54 He who feeds on My flesh and drinks My blood has (possesses now) eternal life, and I will raise him up [from the dead] on the last day.
55 For My flesh is true and genuine food, and My blood is true and genuine drink.
56 He who feeds on My flesh and drinks My blood dwells continually in Me, and I [in like manner dwell continually] in him.
57 Just as the living Father sent Me and I live by (through, because of) the Father, even so whoever continues to feed on Me [whoever takes Me for his food and is nourished by Me] shall [in his turn] live through and because of Me.
58 This is the Bread that came down from heaven. It is not like the manna which our forefathers ate, and yet died; he who takes this Bread for his food shall live forever.
59 He said these things in a synagogue while He was teaching at Capernaum.
60 When His disciples heard this, many of them said, This is a hard and difficult and strange saying (an offensive and unbearable message). Who can stand to hear it? [Who can be expected to listen to such teaching?]
61 But Jesus, knowing within Himself that His disciples were complaining and protesting and grumbling about it, said to them: Is this a stumbling block and an offense to you? [Does this upset and displease and shock and scandalize you?]
62 What then [will be your reaction] if you should see the Son of Man ascending to [the place] where He was before?
63 It is the Spirit Who gives life [He is the Life-giver]; the flesh conveys no benefit whatever [there is no profit in it]. The words (truths) that I have been speaking to you are spirit and life.
64 But [still] some of you fail to believe and trust and have faith. For Jesus knew from the first who did not believe and had no faith and who would betray Him and be false to Him.
65 And He said, This is why I told you that no one can come to Me unless it is granted him [unless he is enabled to do so] by the Father.
66 After this, many of His disciples drew back (returned to their old associations) and no longer accompanied Him.
67 Jesus said to the Twelve, Will you also go away? [And do you too desire to leave Me?]
68 Simon Peter answered, Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words (the message) of eternal life.
69 And we have learned to believe and trust, and [more] we have come to know [surely] that You are the Holy One of God, the Christ (the Anointed One), the Son of the living God.
70 Jesus answered them, Did I not choose you, the Twelve? And [yet] one of you is a devil (of the evil one and a false accuser).
2) In God kind of relationship, there are preconditions to enter into a relationship – Written, spoken or unspoken
Yes, God wrote His own condition in the 10 commandments.. You can read that in Exodus 20:2–17 and Deuteronomy 5:6–21
And look at this –
16 For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten ([a]unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.
Digest the word “believes” in the Son.
Everything rises and falls with that word “believe”
3) In God’s kind of relationship, there are conditions that are required to sustain the relationship – written, spoken or unspoken
11 For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.
12 Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you.
13 Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.
14 I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will release you from captivity and gather you from all the nations and all the places to which I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I caused you to be carried away captive.
And this
20 At that time [when that day comes] you will know [for yourselves] that I am in My Father, and you [are] in Me, and I [am] in you.
21 The person who has My commands and keeps them is the one who [really] loves Me; and whoever [really] loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I [too] will love him and will show (reveal, manifest) Myself to him. [I will let Myself be clearly seen by him and make Myself real to him.]
23 And He said to all, If any person wills to come after Me, let him deny himself [[a]disown himself, [b]forget, lose sight of himself and his own interests, [c]refuse and give up himself] and take up his cross daily and follow Me [[d]cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying also].
4) In God’s kind of relationship, there are exit clauses in every relationship, written, spoken or unspoken
Read the following:
9 I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery[a].”
13 And if you will diligently heed My commandments which I command you this day—to love the Lord your God and to serve Him with all your [mind and] heart and with your entire being—
14 I will give the rain for your land in its season, the early rain and the latter rain, that you may gather in your grain, your new wine, and your oil.
15 And I will give grass in your fields for your cattle, that you may eat and be full.
16 Take heed to yourselves, lest your [minds and] hearts be deceived and you turn aside and serve other gods and worship them,
17 And the Lord’s anger be kindled against you, and He shut up the heavens so that there will be no rain and the land will not yield its fruit, and you perish quickly off the good land which the Lord gives you.
And this
27 A man of God came to Eli and said to him, Thus has the Lord said: I plainly revealed Myself to the house of your father [forefather Aaron] when they were in Egypt in bondage to Pharaoh’s house.
28 Moreover, I selected him out of all the tribes of Israel to be My priest, to offer on My altar, to burn incense, to wear an ephod before Me. And I gave [from then on] to the house of your father [forefather] all the offerings of the Israelites made by fire.
29 Why then do you kick [trample upon, treat with contempt] My sacrifice and My offering which I commanded, and honor your sons above Me by fattening yourselves upon the choicest part of every offering of My people Israel?
30 Therefore the Lord, the God of Israel, says, I did promise that your house and that of your father [forefather Aaron] should go in and out before Me forever. But now the Lord says, Be it far from Me. For those who honor Me I will honor, and those who despise Me shall be lightly esteemed.
And this
I Never Knew You
21 (A)“Not everyone who (B)says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will (C)enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who (D)does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 (E)On that day (F)many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not (G)prophesy in your name, and cast out demons (H)in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 (I)And then will I declare to them, ‘I (J)never knew you; (K)depart from me, (L)you workers of lawlessness.’
5) In God’s kind of relationship, You can’t be in a relationship where both parties agree that staying together is not in each other’s interest especially if a third parties affection is involved – Human or material
3 You shall have no other gods before or besides Me.
4 You shall not make yourself any graven image [to worship it] or any likeness of anything that is in the heavens above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth;
5 You shall not bow down yourself to them or serve them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate Me,
6 But showing mercy and steadfast love to a thousand generations of those who love Me and keep My commandments
9 I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery[a].”
6) In God kind of Relationship, Relationship has to be cultivated, manured and weeded when necessary for fruitfulness. Relationship needs constant evaluation
15 I am the True Vine, and My Father is the Vinedresser.
2 Any branch in Me that does not bear fruit [that stops bearing] He cuts away (trims off, takes away); and He cleanses and repeatedly prunes every branch that continues to bear fruit, to make it bear more and richer and more excellent fruit.
Revelation 2,3 –
14 And to the angel (messenger) of the assembly (church) in Laodicea write: These are the words of the Amen, the trusty and faithful and true Witness, the Origin and Beginning and Author of God’s creation:
15 I know your [record of] works and what you are doing; you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were cold or hot!
16 So, because you are lukewarm and neither cold nor hot, I will spew you out of My mouth!
7) In God kind of Relationship, relationship can only be sustained when there is selfless love and not selfish love – What can I get out of it rather than what can I put into it.
Read this
37 And He replied to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (intellect).
38 This is the great (most important, principal) and first commandment.
39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as [you do] yourself.
40 These two commandments [a]sum up and upon them depend all the Law and the Prophets
Note from above – If you can’t love God selflessly, you can’t love yourself selflessly. If you can’t love yourself selflessly, you can’t love others selflessly.. — key word here is love others as yourself..not more than yourself, not less than yourself but as yourself – balance is key!
And this
I Never Knew You
21 (A)“Not everyone who (B)says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will (C)enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who (D)does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 (E)On that day (F)many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not (G)prophesy in your name, and cast out demons (H)in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 (I)And then will I declare to them, ‘I (J)never knew you; (K)depart from me, (L)you workers of lawlessness.’
So remember God seven relationship absolutes – 1) You and I cannot FORCE relationship on self and others – It has to be mutual, not one – directional – We can’t violate people’s will, we can’t violate people’s human spirit..even God wouldn’t do it. We can try but it will yield no lasting impact because we are breaking a fundamental law of human existence;
2) There are preconditions to enter into a relationship – Written, spoken or unspoken; 3) There are conditions that are required to sustain the relationship; 4) There are exit clauses in every relationship; 5)You can’t be in a relationship where both parties agree that staying together is not in each other’s interest especially if a third parties affection is involved – Human or material; 6) Relationship has to be cultivated, manured and weeded when necessary for fruitfulness. Relationship needs constant evaluation; and 7)Relationship can only be sustained when there is selfless love and not selfish love – What can I get out of it rather than what can I put into it.
Now in addressing how to stop the pain in engaging or disengaging in relationships, there are critical factors to consider. -The critical Factors
“The most important thing in life is to decide what is most important.” – quote by Ken Blanchard
How true that is. Every moment of every day we give our time and energy to something.. Ask yourself, what is that? It is important you answer that question. There is going to come a time in your life that that decision will be made at critical points in your life.
The question is, do we give our time to what is really important? Think about It.
Will the places you put your attention and efforts today take you closer to, or farther away from, your dreams? Will the decisions you make create more confusion and pain, or less? Will the way you implement God’s Word bring you more confidence in God, or less? In his book First Things First Every Day, Stephen Covey points out that effective time management is not about putting more activity into the same amount of time, but about doing what is important in the time you have. He calls it managing by the compass instead of the clock. I call it living in priority.
Nearly all the top business trainers observe the 80/20 rule.
This rule says that 20 percent of your effort will produce 80 percent of your results. The wise manager discovers the 20 percent that is important, focuses his or her efforts in this critical area, and accomplishes 80 percent of the work.
Conversely, there are those who work harder and longer but do not see the same kind of productivity in life.
As a result, they feel that life is unfair, and sometimes they feel like victims.
The Only Path to Happiness Is through the Son
It is easy to feel that there is a set of unwritten laws that no one ever taught you. It is easy to look at those who excel at life and feel that they are somehow more privileged than you are.
You might even assume that God blessed them more than He did you. Your only options seem to be to give up or to start a
mystical quest for the magic formula that will bring what you desire in life.
In daily life, as well as in business, people experience pain and failure while trying very hard to be happy. For some, this begins their mystical search to please God and somehow obtain
the blessings that are described in His Word. Their journey is one of legalism, dead works, self-absorption, and frustration.
You see, there is not a single thing we can do to get God to violate or deny the finished work of Jesus.
The Scriptures are quite clear that we have everything that pertains to life and godliness through Jesus. (See 2 Peter 1:3.)
In order for God to even consider blessing us as a result of our efforts, He would have to completely deny the finished work of His Son. Looking for ways to earn or obtain blessings always
causes us to look someplace other than the Lord Jesus and His finished work.
The starting place for the pathway out of pain and into sanity is to always remind ourselves of the truth:
We are accepted in Jesus. We are righteous through Him. We are free from every curse of the law because we are in Him. We are qualified for every aspect of the inheritance through Him. And every promise God has ever made to anyone is “yes” because we are in Him (2 Corinthians 1:20).
Going to the Root of the Problem
Instead of looking for some deep, hidden, mystical answer to bring joy and peace to our lives, we should simply look to
the Word of God. When we came to Jesus, our Christian walk was supposed to be a journey of becoming disciples. A disciple builds his or her life on the lessons and principles of the teacher.
We are to build our lives on the teachings of the Lord Jesus. Thus the answer to our dilemma is always found in Him, His finished work, His Word, and His example.
All of God’s Word is important, but like everything else in life, there are critical factors. Critical factors are truths that are
so broad in scope that they affect nearly every area of our lives.
There are other principles that, when applied, affect many areas of our lives. Then there are still other principles that, when observed, solve only one problem.
The critical factors solve a wide scope of problems. When we examine the Word, we find what I call “The Critical Factors for Spiritual Life.” These are the areas we should observe as top priority. They are the 20 percent that will produce 80 percent of the results in our lives.
The Critical Factors for Spiritual Life are those factors in which you cannot afford to fail. They are the difference between the fruit and the root. They are the underlying principles that govern
many different actions.
When we deal with a “fruit” problem, it is like trying to keep bad fruit out of our fruit tree. We spend our time going round and round the tree, attempting to pick all the bad fruit. Regardless of how hard we try to keep it off, it grows back. Sometimes it grows back before we make it all the way around the tree!
It is terribly discouraging to work so hard and see so few results. It is even
more discouraging when the problems grow back.
When we go right to the “root” problem, however, we eliminate the source that is feeding the fruit. We deal with one issue,
and it makes all the bad fruit stop growing. By using this method, we participate in the 80/20 rule. We act by priority. We address the critical factors.
Use These Principles for Every Root
This series Perfect Relationship: 24 Tools for Building BRIDGES to Harmony and Taking Down WALLS of Conflict in our Relationships together with the books we will be bringing you from the five fold ministry gifts addresses one of the most important critical factors
for life.
It examines one root. Nevertheless, by applying the principles discussed in this series, you can free yourself from emo-
tional pain and turmoil that otherwise will linger for a lifetime.
For the first time, you can discover what it is like to be free from the pain of the past.
You see, emotional pain becomes our window to the world.
We look at everything around us and judge it in light of our past pain.
Unfortunately, gazing through this framework creates an endless cycle of new pain and a reaffirmation of our false paradigm of life. For the person in pain, the past equals the future.
Life becomes a series of reoccurring pains that never seems to end.
Once we are free from pain, the world looks different, and our experience becomes different. When living in a place of peace and freedom from fear of future pain, we make new decisions and establish an entirely new basis for life. In the absence of distorted thinking, we can identify the critical factors for life.Walking with God becomes “easy and light,” just as Jesus promised (Matthew 11:30).
If you will read, listen to the content in this series and apply these principles, you will discover more personal freedom
than you have ever known. Every relationship will become more peaceful and less stressful. The amount of conflict in your life will be reduced dramatically.
Most of the past pain will be elimi-
nated from your life, and you will stop creating new pain.
Your promise, though, must be this:
Say this:
“However challenging I find them to be, I commit myself fully to the principles that I recognize as scripturally sound. Those of which I am unsure, I will search out to discover their soundness. I will not merely read these words and forget them; I will put them to the test of
life application.”
Welcome to the journey for freedom!
This brings us to the end of Episode 7 on series – Perfect Relationship: 24 Tools for Building BRIDGES to Harmony and Taking Down WALLS of Conflict in our Relationships – How to stop the pain, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional – the critical factors
Next week, we will bring you in episode 8, What is judgment? From Dr James B. Richards book
Shalom!
Ambassador Monday Ogwuojo Oreojo OGBE
God’s Eagle Ministries – Where we are seeding the nations with God’s word and God is transforming lives through His timeless TRUTH – we are ONE in Christ Jesus, so let’s stay ONE
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