📌 COUNSELING SESSION – Why Can’t Women Stand Their Husband Having an Affair With Other Women?

📌 COUNSELING SESSION – Why Can’t Women Stand Their Husband Having an Affair With Other Women?

This question did not originate in our generation. It was implicitly raised by one of the disciples after Jesus taught on marriage and divorce.

To correctly determine why something produces a positive or negative outcome, one must go back to the origin where it began.

When Jesus declared that divorce was only permitted on the grounds of sexual immorality, the disciples responded with concern, saying that if such strict conditions governed marriage, then it might be better not to marry at all (Matthew 19:10). That response reveals how weighty, demanding, and sacred God’s design for marriage truly is.
Jealousy that arises when a woman sees her husband involved with another woman is one of the most difficult emotional and spiritual experiences for both men and women. This is because whenever the divine order is broken, death inevitably follows. That death does not always manifest physically; it often comes in other destructive forms—jealousy, hatred, violence, emotional trauma, broken trust, divorce, separation, and in extreme cases, murder and slaughter.
Jesus made a striking distinction in His teaching. He did not say divorce was permissible because someone lied, stole, spoke harshly, or even physically abused their spouse. While these actions are grievous sins and morally wrong, Jesus singled out adultery as the only condition under which divorce is permitted. This shows that adultery uniquely violates something fundamental in God’s design for marriage.

The reason is simple: adultery breaks the divine order. Marriage is a covenant in which two individuals become one flesh. When a third party is introduced into that union, the covenant is torn apart at its very core. This is why sexual immorality carries such severe spiritual consequences.
God Himself describes His nature by saying, “I am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generation.” In this sense, God likens adultery to covenant betrayal. Just as idolatry is spiritual adultery against God, marital adultery is covenant betrayal against one’s spouse. Both provoke jealousy because both violate exclusive covenant relationship.
Jesus anchored His teaching in Genesis 2:18–25, where God declared that it was not good for man to be alone and created woman as a helper comparable to him—taken from his own body. Marriage was established as a sacred union where a man leaves his parents, cleaves to his wife, and the two become one flesh. This was God’s original intention—unity, exclusivity, faithfulness, and covenant permanence.
Therefore, when a husband engages in an affair, what the woman reacts to is not merely emotional insecurity or possessiveness. She is responding to the fracture of a divine covenant, the breaking of divine order, and the destruction of the “one flesh” reality ordained by God Himself. This is why jealousy in such cases is deep, intense, and often uncontrollable—it is rooted in covenant violation, not mere emotion.
It is in this light that both Jesus’ teaching and the disciples’ reaction must be properly understood.
📖 Scripture References:
Matthew 19:3–12 (NKJV)
Genesis 2:18–25 (NKJV)
💬 If you are receiving this message and you have questions—whether related or unrelated to this topic—please feel free to ask.

BELOW ARE THE RESPONSES

Thank you.

I think this also applies to why men can’t stand to see their wives having affairs with other men. That is also a big issue these days.

Strikes me also that Genesis talks about man leaving his parents to cleave to his wife… many of our cultures have it the other way round… the woman leaving her parents to cleave to her husband. I wonder if this difference matters… 🤔

Just thinking…thank you for sharing.

Our RESPONSE

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

You are absolutely right—this principle applies equally to men. Just as women struggle deeply when their husbands have affairs, men also find it unbearable when their wives are unfaithful. Scripture does not minimize either pain. In fact, adultery is consistently condemned regardless of whether it is committed by a man or a woman (Exodus 20:14; Hebrews 13:4). The covenant violation and the emotional devastation cut both ways.

The reason is the same in both cases: adultery violates the one-flesh covenant. Once two people become one flesh, any intrusion by a third party is not merely relational—it is covenantal and spiritual.
Regarding your observation about Genesis, it is very important. Genesis 2:24 explicitly states:
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

This statement is striking, especially in light of many cultures—both ancient and modern—where the woman is the one expected to leave her parents and join the husband’s household.

Scripture deliberately reverses cultural expectation here, and that reversal matters.
The emphasis in Genesis is not primarily on geography but on allegiance. God places the burden of covenantal realignment on the man. He is the one commanded to “leave” his primary family unit and establish a new covenant loyalty with his wife. Jesus Himself reaffirmed this same order in Matthew 19:4–6, showing that this was not cultural but foundational.
That said, Scripture also gives us examples where women physically left their families to join their husbands, without contradicting the divine order:

Rebekah left her father’s house to marry Isaac (Genesis 24). Yet Isaac also established a new household, and Rebekah became his covenant partner—not an extension of his parents’ authority.

Ruth left her people and her father’s house to follow Naomi and later marry Boaz (Ruth 1–4). Boaz, however, publicly covenanted with her and assumed responsibility for her before the elders.

On the other hand, Scripture also records situations where a man aligned himself with his wife in ways that violated divine order:

Samson repeatedly compromised his calling by cleaving to women outside God’s design (Judges 14–16), leading ultimately to his downfall.

Ahab aligned himself under Jezebel’s influence, allowing her to overturn moral and spiritual order in Israel (1 Kings 21).

Scripture explicitly says Ahab sold himself to do evil because Jezebel stirred him up.
These examples show that when the order of *covenant, authority, and allegiance* is distorted—whether by culture, desire, or manipulation—the outcome is always destructive.

So yes, cultures may structure marriage differently, but Scripture consistently teaches that marriage forms a *new primary covenant, superior to parental ties.* Whether the woman physically relocates or the man does, the *spiritual truth* remains: loyalty shifts, exclusivity is established, and the one-flesh union becomes sacred.
This is precisely why adultery is so devastating. It does not merely break trust; it attacks the very structure God designed for marriage. That is why both men and women react so strongly—it is not just jealousy, it is covenant trauma.
Thank you again for engaging thoughtfully. These kinds of questions help us return, again and again, to the origin in order to understand the outcome.

✍️ Ambassador Monday O. Ogbe
🕊 Gods Eagle Ministries (GEMs 💎)
🌐 https://www.otakada.org
📅 Date: January 30, 2026

Tags / Hashtags:
#CounselingSession, #MarriageAndCovenant, #Adultery, #BiblicalMarriage, #ChristianCounseling, #DivineOrder, #FamilyRestoration, #KingdomPrinciples, #GEMs, #sexualimmorality #sex #betrayal, #GodsEagleMinistries, #MarriageMatters