The Christian Church – Let’s Talk About Sex – Understanding the Entrapment of Emotional and Sexual Entanglement: Cause of Immorality and How to Overcome Them – Real Stories from Real Vulnerable People – Don’t Think You Are Immune – Part 4 of 15

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Subject – The Christian Church – Let’s Talk About Sex – Understanding the Entrapment of Emotional and Sexual Entanglement: Cause of Immorality and How to Overcome Them – Real Stories from Real Vulnerable People – Don’t Think You Are Immune – Part 4 of 15

The Christian Church – Let’s Talk About Sex - Understanding the Entrapment of Emotional and Sexual Entanglement: Cause of Immorality and How to Overcome Them – Real Stories from Real Vulnerable People – Don’t Think You Are Immune - Part 4 of 15

Watch this 5.26 minutes’ video of a woman who sleeps with men to safe their marriages and men signs for this on her website – interesting!

Watch this 5.26 minutes’ video of a woman who sleeps with men to save their marriages and men signs for this on her website – interesting!

OTAKADA.org content count 2,115,792

Sunday, 8th of September 2019

Blog link: https://www.otakada.org/causes-of-immorality

Nuggets of Wisdom – Marriage Counselor feedback from different anonymous couples – Take notes

Counselor after involvement with counselee. “We’d been married six years and bad two children when we started seminary in California. My wife concentrated on the kids; I was consumed with study, secular work, and

weekend ministry We grew apart. The pattern continued in our first pastorate. She raised the children; I studied, preached, taught Bible classes, and counseled. Then a crisis threatened an end to my ministry. I was put in a

vulnerable situation. At that time, I found it easier to turn to women I had counseled than to my wife.”

“Christian woman after marriage ended: “My marriage ended suddenly1.1 knew I was in a vulnerable position, but I didn’t really know what that meant. 1 became emotionally dependent on a good friend. 1 know now that being vulnerable means that you have to be very careful not to depend on someone in an unhealthy way.”

“Christian businessman after involvement with coworker. “Unless a person is actually out looking for an affair, I would say the biggest cause of immorality is vulnerability. The biggest obstacle in overcoming the danger of a vulnerable situation is a lack of communication with your spouse.”

“Pastor after involvement with church member: “I personally have a need to be a hero. I need to be the guy with the answers, who can solve your problems—the guy who can really take care of you. That’s my messiah complex As a result, when I see someone hurting I want to fill that need. When there is a response to that action, it lays someone like me open to a real vulnerability.’

“Christian woman after broken relationship with her husband: “I was in such pain that I wanted to get relief. I did not understand how really vulnerable I was to doing something stupid. I was not on guard. 1just wanted relief

from the pain of loss and loneliness.”

(NOTE: The quotes are from people who were involved in part of the process that can lead to immorality. They are direct quotes, though written anonymously They stand alone, needing no explanation. Personal experience is one of the best teachers. May we all learn from these insights and never get to the point where we think we can’t fall or fail)

Key verses for Today:

1 Corinthians 15:33-34 Living Bible (TLB)

33 Don’t be fooled by those who say such things. If you listen to them you will start acting like them. 34 Get some sense and quit your sinning. For to your shame I say it; some of you are not even Christians at all and have never really known God

Psalm 127:3-5 Living Bible (TLB)

Children are a gift from God; they are his reward. Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows to defend him.

Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them. That man shall have the help he needs when arguing with his enemies

Exodus 20:14 –17

14 No adultery.

15 No stealing.

16 No lies about your neighbor.

17 No lusting after your neighbor’s house—or wife or servant or maid or ox or donkey. Don’t set your heart on anything that is your neighbor’s.

Matthew 5:27-32 Message

Adultery and Divorce

27-28 “You know the next commandment pretty well, too: ‘Don’t go to bed with another’s spouse.’ But don’t think you’ve preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices—they also corrupt.

29-30 “Let’s not pretend this is easier than it really is. If you want to live a morally pure life, here’s what you have to do: You have to blind your right eye the moment you catch it in a lustful leer. You have to choose to live one-eyed or else be dumped on a moral trash pile. And you have to chop off your right hand the moment you notice it raised threateningly. Better a bloody stump than your entire being discarded for good in the dump.

31-32 “Remember the Scripture that says, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him do it legally, giving her divorce papers and her legal rights’? Too many of you are using that as a cover for selfishness and whim, pretending to be righteous just because you are ‘legal.’ Please, no more pretending. If you divorce your wife, you’re responsible for making her an adulteress (unless she has already made herself that by sexual promiscuity). And if you marry such a divorced adulteress, you’re automatically an adulterer yourself. You can’t use legal cover to mask a moral failure.

1 Corinthians 6: 9-11 – New Living Translation

Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 10 or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. 11 Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

1 Corinthians 6: 16-20 Message

16-20 There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us lonelier than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

1 Kings 19:3-7

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had

enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep.

All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and

eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of

bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the Lord came back a second time and

touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too

much for you.”

Causes of immorality- first story – Trues stories from several sources – Marc

Threatened security

Marc woke with a start. He was sweating.

“I must have had a nightmare,” he thought.

Then he remembered.  The nightmare was true.  Today was  the day that he had to go into the same office but assume a new job.

His boss had called it a “change,” a “lateral move.” But everyone, including Marc, knew it was a step down. He was simply not producing to the level desired in his old position.

He got out of bed with less than enthusiasm for the day that lay ahead of him.  Annie was downstairs making breakfast; the  kids already off to school. He hated to face Annie. She had been the kind of wife a man prays for, but he felt so inadequate this morning. The news of his demotion had been as much a shock to her as to Marc, but she had responded well.  She had tried to  hide  her  disappointment  and encourage him to hang in there.

Now she was smiling at  him  from  across  the  table.  He was grateful for  her  attitude,  but  it  didn’t  really  help  to  lift  his  crushed spirit.

“Well, off to face the music—or  should I say humiliation?”  he said as he headed out the door.

As Marc drove to work, the sense of dread intensified. He simply could not dismiss the reality that he was in a situation that he would do almost anything to get out of. He felt like a complete failure. No amount of positive self-talk helped.

He made it through that first day with awkward attempts to hide his discomfort.  The days  that  followed  didn’t  get  much  better.  His choices seemed very  limited,  so  he  kept  going  in,  kept  trying.  The only bright spot was his administrative assistant. She was smart and competent.  She praised him  openly  and  soon  had  him  believing  in himself again. Marc began to rely on her. He began to rely on her for much more than  work  related  help.  She  soon  became  an  emotional support that he eagerly responded to.

It wasn’t long before  his  attachment  led  to  an  involvement  he had  not  intended.  He loved his  wife,  he  loved  his  family.  But  this lovely, encouraging woman had really been there for him in his time of great need.

Rejection rebound Story two – Elaine

Elaine had decided not to date for a while. The breakup with Tim had been too painful and she knew she was in a vulnerable position. She threw herself into her work and purposely filled weekend nights with dinners with girlfriends or movies.

The pain didn’t go away. “Time heals all wounds” didn’t seem to be working. One of Elaine’s friends wanted her to meet a man that the friend worked with. He was single and interested in meeting some­ one just on a friendship basis. After some persuasion, Elaine agreed to a blind date. The evening was enjoyable, no big thrill, but nice. “Yes,” Elaine told herself, “it was nice to get out—and nothing heavy happened. He was nice, but no bells.”

Elaine realized (she  thought)  that  she  was  over  the  emotional hurt of the breakup with Tim. The pain subsided and she was having a good time with a new “friend.” They began to spend more and more time together and soon a serious involvement resulted. Elaine was far more involved than she should have been—and she knew it—but she didn’t know how she had gotten there or how to get out.

Vulnerability means added risk.

Being vulnerable, according to Webster’s, means to be “open to attack or damage; assailable.” There is a positive definition of vulnerability: openness with people  we  can  trust,  along  with  commitment  to  the Lord and to each other. That is not what we are referring to here.

The kind of vulnerability we’re talking about is the result of a circumstance, relationship,  or  change  that  has  left  us  wounded  or weary. Because we are emotionally run down, our defenses are down. Often our perspective on things is clouded. We are not able to make judgments based  on  truth.  Everything  is  seen  through  an  emotional filter. Pain is intensified. Therefore, the pursuit of relief from pain is also intensified.

When  you  are  vulnerable,  a  situation  that  might  otherwise  be safe may now be unsafe. I had a skiing accident this past season. My knee was operated on and is now in the process of healing. I could ski now, but it would be very risky. Even an easy run presents a danger to my damaged knee. Before my accident, an easy run was just that—an easy run. With a weakness in my knee, I have to exercise extra caution. I cannot ski as if I had never been hurt. Situations that cause vulnerability’ result in the same kind of need: a need to evaluate the added risk and to adjust responses accordingly.

Threatened security and the end of a relationship are vulnerable situations used in the previous examples. There are a host of others. Many of them are not real obvious. Something as simple as a minor health problem can wear down  our  defenses.  One dangerous adversary whose harmful effects are beginning to be widely recognized is stress. The source of stress in a person’s life can be difficult to detect. Because we  all  handle  different  situations  with  different  degrees  of ease or difficulty, what is stressful to one person may be non-stressful to another. People in the military who become used to moving a great deal may not  find  that  a  particularly  stressful  process.  However, another family who has lived in the same place for a number of years may find a move a major source of stress.

One  of  the  most  common  forms  of  stress  that  leads  to  broken relationships is that of burnout. When a person is exhausted, he is in a very vulnerable position. He simply cannot think as clearly as someone who is healthy. Christian work often contributes greatly to burnout because of the nature of the work. It seems to be more difficult to cut down on one’s work load when the work is so closely related to helping others. We need to realize that helping others at the expense of our own health and the well-being of our families is not what God intended. God certainly neer meant for anyone to work so hard for the kingdom that he becomes unable to fight off the enemy. When Gordon Macdonald, a former president of the inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship, was asked what contributed to his adultery, part of his answer was, “I was desperately weary in spirit and body. . .

A biblical example of a man suffering from burnout was Elijah.

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went

a day’s journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat

down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had

enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep.

All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and

eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of

bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.

The angel of the Lord came back a second time and

touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too

much for you.” (1 Kings 19:3-7)

Elijah was so tired that he wanted to die. He had a major case of burnout. The Lord, instead of taking his life, provided a broom tree for him to rest under. Then He provided food and water—and more rest. Sometimes we simply have  to  stop  everything  and  crawl  under  a broom tree. We may have to return to, or rest in the middle of, a bad situation. But after the rest, our ability to handle the stress in a godly way will be increased.

So often, we think we simply cannot take the time to lay responsibilities aside to rest. When “the journey is too much,” we must pull back or the job at hand will not be achieved successfully anyway.

Recognize your weakness.

We often have little control over the situations of life that cause us to be vulnerable. They are not things we choose, and they are things we would  change  if  we  could.  But,  here  we  are:  emotionally  down, physically  weary,  afraid,  hurt.  What  can  we  do  to  prevent  seeking comfort from the wrong source in these situations?

The first thing we have to do is recognize where we are. If we find ourselves  saying  things  like—“I’m  hurt”;  “I’m  weary”;  “I’m  disappointed”; “I’m afraid”; “I deserve better”; “I can’t take it any longer”; “I’m  alone”—then  we  are  in  danger  of  falling  into  a  compromising situation.

If we recognize we are in a position to be easily attacked, we can be  prepared.  We  can  determine  to  move  very  cautiously  because  we know  that  our  judgment  is  impaired.  Elijah  couldn’t  go  on  with  his journey  until  he  rested.  Sometimes  we  cannot  make  decisions because we are so vulnerable, and thus likely to make wrong ones.

The danger with relationships when we are vulnerable is that we may not be able to evaluate them honestly and from a godly perspective. What is bitter may look sweet because of our weakened position. So often, we see people come out of a broken relationship and hastily enter  another  relationship.  The  problem  is  one  of  our  giving  dam­ aged  emotions  enough  time  to  heal.  This  affects  our  judgment,  and the  new  relationship  may  not  be  seen  clearly.  In  finding  relief  in relationships  with  other  people,  we  may  also  short-circuit  the  Lord’s working in our life when He is trying to meet our needs Himself.

Hurt  takes  time  to  heal.  In  trying  to  shorten  that  time,  we  may simply put a Band-Aid on a severe wound and say it is healed. Though we say it is healed, when that wound receives another blow, the pain is  even  greater  than  before.  One  bad  situation  covered  over  by  an ungodly  relationship  will  only  result  in  more  pain  than  the  first situation ever produced.

Alternatives

In the first illustration, if Marc had been aware of his vulnerability, he might  have  prevented  his  involvement  with  his  administrative  assistant.  He  could  have  been  cautious  in  the  way  he  responded  to  her praise.  He  could  also  have  sought  more  comfort  from  his  wife,  who was  willing  to  be  supportive.  With  time  and  the  help  of  some  godly counsel,  he  could  have  come  to  realize  that  his  self-worth  was  not based on his job in the first place. In building up his relationship with the Lord,  he  could  have  regained  his  perspective  of  worth  based  on that relationship.

After the end of a relationship like that of Elaine and Tim, time is probably the  best  remedy  for  the  healing  of  damaged  emotions. Although time  does  not  completely  heal  all  wounds,  it  certainly  aids our perception of truth. lt is risk}’ to enter another relationship on the heels of a broken one. Waiting (a tough thing to do), focusing on other things, and trusting that the Lord will take care of future hopes is much safer than looking at a new person to take the pain away.

Precautions to take

If you are in a vulnerable situation, recognize that your judgment may be impaired.

Determine to live by biblical standards no matter how tough the situation gets.

Look for rationalization in your thinking. Don’t allow yourself to rationalize ungodly behavior for any reason.

Move slowly and cautiously in making any decisions. Seek counsel from trusted friends who are committed Christians walking closely with the Lord.

Decrease your work load, if at all possible.

Enter into a relationship of accountability with a friend who is a mature Christian walking with the Lord.

Maintain the basics: Stay in the Word, have quiet times, pray, and be in the fellowship of believers who are walking with the Lord.

Do not take even a small step in the direction of a relationship that may lead to ungodly behavior.

Pray for protection, pray for discernment, pray for rest, draw close to the Lord in ways that allow you to begin to feel His presence. Abide, read, talk to Him, think about Him, focus on Jesus.

Contributed by Lois Mowday Rabey

Shalom!

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