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Subject – The Christian Church – Let’s Talk About Sex – Understanding the Entrapment of Emotional and Sexual Entanglement: Process of Immorality – Step 3 – Physical involvement – the “affair” begins – An Innocent Little Kiss Turns Deadly – Part 9 of 15
What do you do when you have fallen into sexual sin? Overcoming shame and sexual sin in 6.38 minutes’ video By Allyson Rowe from Kingdom Crowned Ministries
Take a watch –
OTAKADA.org content count 2,115, 868
Sunday, 20th of October 2019
Blog link: https://www.otakada.org/an-innocent-kiss
Nuggets of Wisdom –
“There is no
dignity when the human dimension is eliminated from the person. In short, the
problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that
it shows far too little.”
― Pope John Paul II
to get healed. It’s time to confess. Falling for the bait doesn’t make you the
worst person in the world. You were snared. You were hooked. But you don’t have
to stay that way. Now is the time to deal with the shackles that keep you
enslaved. Today you can leave the prison that sexual immorality has created
from your past mistakes. Hear your Father’s voice call out to you above the
noisy clamor of our culture. He says, “I love you. You’re free to go now.
Sexual sin has no hold on you.”
― Craig Groeschel, Weird: Because Normal Isn’t Working
“If a guy pressures
you to compromise sexually, he is not showing you Christlike, agape love. He’s
not encouraging you toward purity and holiness. He’s not striving to honor God
in that area of the relationship. He’s focusing on his wants and is sadly using
you to satisfy them. He’s being selfish and putting his desires above all
― Bethany Baird, Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships
women make wise men dote and forsake God’s law and do wrong.”
However, the fault is not in the wine, and often not in the woman. The fault is in the one who misuses the wine or the woman or other of God’s creations. Even if you get drunk on the wine and through this greed you lapse into lechery, the wine is not to blame but you are, in being unable or unwilling to discipline yourself. And even if you look at a woman and become caught up in her beauty and assent to sin [= adultery; extramarital sex], the woman is not to blame nor is the beauty given her by God to be disparaged: rather, you are to blame for not keeping your heart more clear of wicked thoughts. … If you feel yourself tempted by the sight of a woman, control your gaze better … You are free to leave her. Nothing constrains you to commit lechery but your own lecherous heart.”
― Anonymous, Dives And Pauper
Key verses for Today:
2 Samuel 11:1-27 The Message (MSG)
David’s Sin and Sorrow
11 When that time of year came around again, the anniversary of the Ammonite aggression, David dispatched Joab and his fighting men of Israel in full force to destroy the Ammonites for good. They laid siege to Rabbah, but David stayed in Jerusalem.
2-5 One late afternoon, David got up from taking his nap and was strolling on the roof of the palace. From his vantage point on the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was stunningly beautiful. David sent to ask about her, and was told, “Isn’t this Bathsheba, daughter of Eliam and wife of Uriah the Hittite?” David sent his agents to get her. After she arrived, he went to bed with her. (This occurred during the time of “purification” following her period.) Then she returned home. Before long she realized she was pregnant.
Later she sent word to David: “I’m pregnant.”
6 David then got in touch with Joab: “Send Uriah the Hittite to me.” Joab sent him.
7-8 When he arrived, David asked him for news from the front—how things were going with Joab and the troops and with the fighting. Then he said to Uriah, “Go home. Have a refreshing bath and a good night’s rest.”
8-9 After Uriah left the palace, an informant of the king was sent after him. But Uriah didn’t go home. He slept that night at the palace entrance, along with the king’s servants.
10 David was told that Uriah had not gone home. He asked Uriah, “Didn’t you just come off a hard trip? So why didn’t you go home?”
11 Uriah replied to David, “The Chest is out there with the fighting men of Israel and Judah—in tents. My master Joab and his servants are roughing it out in the fields. So, how can I go home and eat and drink and enjoy my wife? On your life, I’ll not do it!”
12-13 “All right,” said David, “have it your way. Stay for the day and I’ll send you back tomorrow.” So Uriah stayed in Jerusalem the rest of the day.
The next day David invited him to eat and drink with him, and David got him drunk. But in the evening Uriah again went out and slept with his master’s servants. He didn’t go home.
14-15 In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. In the letter he wrote, “Put Uriah in the front lines where the fighting is the fiercest. Then pull back and leave him exposed so that he’s sure to be killed.”
16-17 So Joab, holding the city under siege, put Uriah in a place where he knew there were fierce enemy fighters. When the city’s defenders came out to fight Joab, some of David’s soldiers were killed, including Uriah the Hittite.
18-21 Joab sent David a full report on the battle. He instructed the messenger, “After you have given to the king a detailed report on the battle, if he flares in anger, say, ‘And by the way, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead.’”
22-24 Joab’s messenger arrived in Jerusalem and gave the king a full report. He said, “The enemy was too much for us. They advanced on us in the open field, and we pushed them back to the city gate. But then arrows came hot and heavy on us from the city wall, and eighteen of the king’s soldiers died.”
25 When the messenger completed his report of the battle, David got angry at Joab. He vented it on the messenger: “Why did you get so close to the city? Didn’t you know you’d be attacked from the wall? Didn’t you remember how Abimelech son of Jerub-Besheth got killed? Wasn’t it a woman who dropped a millstone on him from the wall and crushed him at Thebez? Why did you go close to the wall!”
“By the way,” said Joab’s messenger, “your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead.”
Then David told the messenger, “Oh. I see. Tell Joab, ‘Don’t trouble yourself over this. War kills—sometimes one, sometimes another—you never know who’s next. Redouble your assault on the city and destroy it.’ Encourage Joab.”
26-27 When Uriah’s wife heard that her husband was dead, she grieved for her husband. When the time of mourning was over, David sent someone to bring her to his house. She became his wife and bore him a son.
27 But God was not at all pleased with what David had done,
Matthew 5:27-32 Message
Adultery and Divorce
27-28 “You know the next commandment pretty well, too: ‘Don’t go to bed with another’s spouse.’ But don’t think you’ve preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices—they also corrupt.
29-30 “Let’s not pretend this is easier than it really is. If you want to live a morally pure life, here’s what you have to do: You have to blind your right eye the moment you catch it in a lustful leer. You have to choose to live one-eyed or else be dumped on a moral trash pile. And you have to chop off your right hand the moment you notice it raised threateningly. Better a bloody stump than your entire being discarded for good in the dump.
31-32 “Remember the Scripture that says, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him do it legally, giving her divorce papers and her legal rights’? Too many of you are using that as a cover for selfishness and whim, pretending to be righteous just because you are ‘legal.’ Please, no more pretending. If you divorce your wife, you’re responsible for making her an adulteress (unless she has already made herself that by sexual promiscuity). And if you marry such a divorced adulteress, you’re automatically an adulterer yourself. You can’t use legal cover to mask a moral failure.
1 Corinthians 10:12-13 The Message (MSG)
11-12 These are all warning markers—danger!—in our history books, written down so that we don’t repeat their mistakes. Our positions in the story are parallel—they at the beginning, we at the end—and we are just as capable of messing it up as they were. Don’t be so naive and self-confident. You’re not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence.
13 No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.
1 Corinthians 15:33-34 Living Bible (TLB)
33 Don’t be fooled by those who say such things. If you listen to them you will start acting like them. 34 Get some sense and quit your sinning. For to your shame I say it; some of you are not even Christians at all and have never really known God
Exodus 20:14 –17
14 No adultery.
15 No stealing.
16 No lies about your neighbor.
17 No lusting after your neighbor’s house—or wife or servant or maid or ox or donkey. Don’t set your heart on anything that is your neighbor’s.
Process of Immorality – Step 3 – Physical involvement – the “affair” begins – An innocent little Kiss Turns Deadly
Read the true story of Fatima and Nathaniel
The kiss by the lake
A meeting of the Women of the Church had just ended. Fatima gathered up her papers and headed for her car.
“Hello, Fatima. Got a minute?”
It was Nathaniel, the Pastor in charge of Education. “Sure.”
He joined her at her car. He was tall and well-built—looking more like an ex-football player than a minister.
Nathaniel, his wife, and his three children had come to the church two years ago. He had been a welcome addition to the understaffed roster.
“I was wondering if you could come to my office sometime this week so we could discuss how to get some of the new Women of the Church involved in teaching Sunday school.” She agreed, and they set the time.
Fatima headed home with thoughts of what to prepare for dinner. There was the usual rush to be able to make it to their son’s football game. Peter was a junior in school and lived for football. His youngest sister, Josephine, was a cheerleader. John, Fatima’s husband was a successful lawyer who was active in church and in the community. Fatima thought with pride that night as she cheered Peter’s game.
The next day’s meeting with Nathaniel was routine. This became the first of many such meetings over the following months. There was much to do. She enjoyed talking with Nathaniel. He was a good conversationalist. He seemed to have time to listen and had interesting things to share when he wasn’t listening. Often, they would get into deep discussions on religion and theology.
When Fatima would tell John about some of these talks, he would shake his head, amused that two people could enjoy such abstract philosophical matters. He, on the other hand, loved to talk about law and strategy, court cases and trials—things with definite procedures and precedents. Fatima would listen to his stories with the same disinterest as he did to hers. But that was okay. They didn’t have much time for serious conversation between his Work, her volunteer work, and the kids’ activities.
Life rolled on as usual. One afternoon when Fatima and Nathaniel had ended one of their long conversations, he suggested they go for a walk around a nearby lake instead of staying cooped up in the office. They drove out of town with the car windows down and the radio playing. Fatima felt good. She felt young and free. It was good to have a little change of scenery—nothing wrong with that.
Since it was a weekday, the lake was deserted. They began to walk around on the well-worn path, evidence that this was generally a very populated spot. The conversation shifted somewhere along the way from theology to weather and young love and love and. . . .
They were standing perfectly still, facing one another. Fatima felt like a school girl . . . and yet, she knew . . . but she ignored the small voice inside her, warning her to leave.
That brief encounter was the beginning. It was a simple kiss. A mistake. Yes, a human mistake. It was a combination of the weather and being with a good friend. Fatima ran all these rationalizations through her mind again and again. She and Nathaniel did not even discuss what had happened. They had laughed, embarrassed for the moment at their actions, and dismissed it. Their friendship went on as before. In fact, it seemed even better. Instead of feeling uncomfortable about what had happened, Nathaniel and Fatima seemed to enjoy a new level of communication. But Fatima kept picturing that moment by the lake. It had been exciting. She wondered if it would ever happen again. Of course it wouldn’t! Nathaniel was a dedicated pastor, committed to the Lord and to his family. She was a committed Christian, too.
But it did happen again. And again. And, soon, more happened. By summer, Nathaniel and Fatima were making excuses to keep meeting even when church’s activities slowed down. They succeeded in keeping up a front, and continued to meet at least weekly during the summer.
Of course, they tried to see each other legitimately for church business and stop the affair, but those efforts kept weakening. They would pray together and vow not to slip again. But they did slip. It was a full-fledged affair.
It became necessary to tell little white lies. There was also the growing problem of how to relate to their spouses in the proper way when they felt so deeply for one another. They kept telling themselves that they were hurting no one else and that soon they would have the will power to end the affair and just be good friends again.
But it didn’t end.
So many lies, so much deceit, so much sin. What could they do? How had it happened? Who else would be hurt?
The web of intrigue widens, affecting others.
We do not live on islands. Adultery never hurts only the two-people involved. The web of intrigue and deceit becomes so consuming that all other areas of life suffer in the attempt to live out a charade.
The classic biblical example of adultery is the account of David and Bathsheba. David—a man after God’s own heart. Bathsheba—the wife of Uriah. Uriah—a faithful soldier in David’s army.
David apparently slept with Bathsheba only one time. The Bible says, “He slept with her. . . .Then she went back home” (2 Samuel 11:4). We aren’t told, but David may have even determined not to see her again. But she got pregnant. The sin that David may have thought he had gotten away with now needed covering up. He planned to get Uriah home and in bed with Bathsheba so it would appear that the pregnancy was from him and that David’s sin would go undetected.
But Uriah, a good soldier, wanted to be with his men. He said, “The ark and Israel and judah are staying in tents, and my master Joab and my lord’s men are camped in the open fields. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and lie with my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!” (2 Samuel 11:11).
David had to cover up this sin. He was a man of God, and could not let his testimony be ruined. So he sent out the order. “Put Uriah in the front line where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die” (2 Samuel 11:15).
How many Uriah’s suffer from the sins of another? Satan may whisper that no one else is being hurt. But that is a lie. Other sins come in to cover the first one. The most obvious is lying. Coveting was there from the beginning. One deceitful act follows another.
Though the Christian community says loudly and clearly that it considers adultery wrong, many Christians aren’t living that way. We are becoming like Ahab: “Ahab son of Qmri did more evil in the eyes of the LORD than any of those before him. He not only considered it trivial to commit the sins of jeroboam… but he also married Jezebel . . . and began to serve Baal and worship him” (1 Kings 16:30-31 )
Considered it trivial! Do we really consider it trivial to commit adultery? The standard phrase among many believers caught in adultery is that God will forgive them—and they go on, get a divorce, and marry the adulterous partner. Active in the church again, life goes on as if the adultery and divorce were mistakes in the past that are now forgiven and forgotten.
It is true that “if we confess our sins, [God] is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). It seems, however, that confession and repentance doesn’t occur until after a divorce and remarriage with the new partner. What about the sins against the offended partner? What about Uriah? Most Christians don’t kill their mates. They just walk away from them and start over.
Once you cross the threshold of involvement with a married person, the chances of turning around and not hurting anyone else are minimal. The power of this sin is so strong that breaking off the relationship becomes a herculean task.
Fatima and Nathaniel tried to stop seeing each other. They tried to get their relationship back to a friendship. They called out their spiritual reserves and prayed, read the Bible, and memorized Scripture. But when the flesh and Satan are on the same side, the Lord can’t change us without our help. We have to be willing to suffer frustration of the flesh to operate under the control of the Holy Spirit.
The mistake that Fatima and Nathaniel kept making was that they kept on seeing each other. They enjoyed the gratification and wanted to hang on to it at all costs. If they could just get it back to friendship, they could still be together and not be committing a sin. But that was just falling prey to rationalization, the final step that keeps people in an immoral relationship
Questions for reflection:
- If you were Fatima or Nathaniel, what would you have done differently before, during and after the affair?
- If you were John, how would you respond? What would you have done differently in engaging your wife? How would you respond after discovery of the affair between your wife and the minister?
- What have you learnt from this story and what lessons would you apply to your scenario
Oh Lord God, lead us not into temptations that we cannot resist and deliver us from all appearance of evil on our short pilgrimage here earth in Jesus name, Amen
Monday Ogwuojo Ogbe
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